Its so hard to decide where to begin...

When there are so many things that are alternately screaming and scratching in my bag of consciousness that all want to flow out at the same time.

Many a times I have thought about how I want to start writing this message and most times that I have felt the hand of inspiration move me, I have been away from any method of being able to record those thoughts/emotions.

There are many things that will be said, need to be said, and afraid to be said.

Many things will make the one who reads as well as the one who types very uncomfortable.

But as I try to live my Truth, at times I must speak my Truth.

And the only way to begin, is merely to do so.


We always had difficulties communicating...

language barrier
thought barrier
context barrier
karma carrier

Do you even know?

Did you ever begin to understand?

Do you begin to fathom what I was to you?


Was I and all the events that unfolded me merely an experiment to help you wear a mask?

or perform a sociological experiment?

Was it an unintentional numbers game?


My perception and intuition have always been...

too accurate for comfort.

awareness without understanding is dangerous for young children

but to be expected.

Or were you already blind?

Did you encourage me to to the same?

Or did I seek solace in losing my sight?


I desperatly sought your approval, despite always knowing somehow that there was something wrong behind the mask...

Always molding and shaping myself in ways that I thought would please you.

...

I pause for a moment and find myself staring at the letter 'I' on the keyboard...

I have made so few decisions in my life, but they always end up seeming to be the painful ones.

Is it any wonder that I'm hesitant to charge forward?

...

The moment is fading, I was trying to find the way to talk about why I no longer need to explain myself to you, even though I will share revelations, nuances, and even those answers that you didn't realize you were looking for when you were trying to teach me what you had found on your path.

But such things will wait for another moment...

For Inspiration will come again...

Lucidity will come again...

and the Wheel will continue to turn.