I try and figure out what I need to say...

and end up getting caught in my own well laid traps of thought and defenses that I have placed around me. And I find that I have to jar myself out of my complacency sometimes to start finding the words or the threads that will lead me to where I want to be...

So as I look for what I need to express myself I found myself looking at some of the postcards over at Postsecret and as I absorb and examine the memories and thoughts that will inevitably arise from viewing them, I find myself thinking about what secrets I need to share with you... especially as the secret I'm reading has resonance within me.

But I always stop myself because even if I could be assured of you reading my secrets, no matter how carefully crafted I manage to compose the message, I feel strongly that you would not have the ears to see or the eyes to hear...

But I still think about crafting a post card and how best to send it. *grin*

I have hesitation writing some of these messages to you because I have laid a heavy charge upon myself. I still value honesty even though the material realm has introduced me to the concept of gray... (and should it bother me that I start wanting to change that to grey?)

So if my messages seem erratic its not necessarily from lack of understanding of the nature of our relationship... It's from trying to figure out how to communicate clearly what I learned when we seem to lack certain points of intersection that would make communication flow smoothly and without blockage.

As I move forward I will find myself where I can begin to let the flow