Before I go too much farther...

I need to make it clear to you, that I am going to open up and let out some things that may make you uncomfortable or sometimes even downright angry. As I examine myself, my emotions, and the causes of these patterns in myself as I understand them, I will find myself finally at the point where I will lay all of the aspects down on the line for you to see.

During previous moments of my life I would try to get the courage to pick at some of the loose threads and try to communicate with you instead of remaining forever passive and any time that as I see it I started to react or want to ask questions to understand you would turn away in some way shape or form.

You made it clear that you would not allow any one else to invalidate you, even though I have since realized that you were further allowing me to entrench myself in the role of the invalidated myself, and any time that the energy of the moment or the conversation paths or even your own thoughts seemed to drift to sensitive areas for you, the doors would close... the locks and bars would go in place... and the walls would grow ever thicker.

You may not listen.

You probably don't have the ears to see.

I am probably yet again speaking into the darkness.

But even if I'm the only one listening.

I will speak my Truth.

As painful as parts of it will be.



For there is light.

there is hope.

and I am so tired of being cold.